It can be very challenging to forgive someone who has hurt you. However, being able to truly forgive a person for hurting you can help you to feel better and maybe even mend your relationship. Forgiving someone for hurting you has been shown to relieve stress, forgiveness 21 days pdf you’ll be doing yourself a favor in the process.
Learning to forgive someone can be a long and intensive process, but may be a better option then holding a grudge. Let go of your resentment. If you resent the person for the harm he or she has caused, then you’ll never be able to move on, both in your own life and in continuing your relationship. Accept what the person has done to you and recognize that you have no control over it.
However, you can control how you react to the situation. Recognize your own flaws and possible ways you have hurt people to help you accept the wrongdoing and release your resentment. Everyone makes mistakes, and recognizing your own mistakes will help you understand the mistakes the person who hurt you. It won’t happen overnight, but the sooner you aim to let go of your resentment, the sooner it will become a priority.
Focus moving forward instead of stewing. As you move on your path toward forgiveness, take a step back and think about how serious the pain that has been caused really is. Is the act truly forgivable, or is it something you won’t even think about in a month? Include your personal morals and beliefs in your analysis of the big picture.
If you are strongly against cheating, and your partner has cheated on you, then your moral compass may not allow you to forgive them. However, if you personally believe you work through infidelity, then you can move towards forgiveness. Think of all the good in your relationship.
Do you enjoy spending time with the person because they are funny or you have intelligent conversations together? Do you make a good team raising your children? Make a list of all the great things about your platonic or romantic relationship with the person who has hurt you.
Talk to someone about the situation. If you’re feeling really hurt and upset about what happened, talking to someone else about it can help you gain some valuable perspective. Instead of mulling it over on your own or isolating yourself, talk to another person to help you gain some insight and to feel like you’re less alone. You might also get some valuable advice that can help you have a better understanding of the situation, and a stronger sense of how to proceed.
You might not want to talk with too many people and risk getting an overwhelming amount of opinions. Select a few trusted friends or family members whose opinions you highly value. Another important aspect of forgiving someone is being able to take some time to just be alone with your thoughts. If someone has really wronged you, whether your boyfriend has cheated on you or your best friend has been saying hurtful things behind your back, it’s important to take some time to get space and spend some time on your own.
Additionally, overtime, you might gain perspective on the situation. For example, in the moment, certain words said by your partner or friend may have seemed especially hurtful. Yet, over time and thinking them over, you might understand why they said the hurtful thing. If you live with that person who has hurt you, you may need to find another place to stay for a while, if possible.
If you don’t live together, then make it clear that you need some time away from each other and that you’ll reach out when you’re ready. Prepare how you want to start the conversation and what you want to say before you initiate the conversation. Though you may be feeling bitter, anger, hurt, or confused, you should find a way to delicately state these emotions instead of exploding or saying something you don’t really mean.
Take deep breaths before and after each comment, and try to be as reasonable as possible. Before you open your mouth to say anything, ask yourself how it will sound or come across to the other person. Your words could be hurtful towards them, and then you are in the position of forgiving and having to be forgiven.